Friday, January 10, 2014

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013

I know its a few days into the new year but it's never too late to do a Top 10 Worst list. Am I right?..I know I'm right so lets proceed shall we...

2013 was filled with some of the most beloved movies I've seen in a very long time (That list is to come shortly I promise), while also having some just awful ones in the mix. Overall the worst movies don't live up to other years, but they can hold their own with a few unnecessary bland sequels to boring offensive originals. So are you ready to see the list?? Good me too!

10. Identity Thief 

This film has some great talent that was just given nothing to work with to utilize their comedy style. The plot is highly unlikely and the characters are bland and unlikable throughout. Jason Bateman is one very funny man with proven hits with Arrested Development to Horrible Bosses. His characters are always generally likable to a certain extent (yes, even as Michael Bluthe), but in this film he's just so unlikable and I wanted to like him more because I really didn't care for Melissa McCarthy's character. She is comedy gold since Bridesmaids and The Heat so, I guess they would want to piggy back on her comedy but she had nothing to go off. It could have been a better film after a few more drafts on the script. How much better is the real question here.

9. 21 & Over 

This movie really had nothing going for it from the start. The plot is just really a younger version of The Hangover in a college setting this time. This plot device has been overused in recent years and with good reason for the producers. People will pay to see friends freak out and retrace their drunken state to find a missing man? Yes they will. The guy from Pitch Perfect was the only sort of relatable person but not much. I just want more from these guys and the ones who make the movies. This film was just full of plot holes and random moments of nothing funny or entertaining. Just another film to get lost on the genre shelf. (shelf? I guess slot now in a little red machine? I miss Blockbuster...).

8. R.I.P.D.

I mentioned that 21 & Over was a huge overused plot, but what if you stole a bunch of ideas from bigger and better movies and put them together to make a movie you think will succeed at box office? You get this movie and you fail miserably as a producer/somebody up big in the production company. I love Men in Black, I do, but come on guys can you not try to make a similar style movie in every way from partner type to agency style. I read the comic and thought it was great but doesn't transfer to film very well. A lot of people blame Ryan Reynolds for this but I just can't blame him..fully. R.I.P.D. is very over acted by everyone, unoriginal plot, jokes are just failing everywhere. I really wanted more but I will just stick with Men in Black. Try better next time Hollywood. Originality is key most of the time.

7. After Earth

I know this film will be a ton of peoples list solely because M. Night is attached to it but I will say it. I am a fan still of his, true he is lacking a lot in recent years *ok more than recent years but Signs was amazing!*. I really don't blame him for this movie being what it is. I blame Will and Jaden Smith along with the writer on this fail. Will was overacting from the start, Jaden is well Jaden. (that means bad acting). The story is meant to be a more of a sons journey to be a man in his fathers eyes and his own. I just wasn't feeling it from the beginning and felt like the movie dragged a little too long. I would really want to see a M. Night director cut to see if he added any twist to the film. I'm sure he has a few up his sneaky sleeve.

6. A Haunted House 

Parody films just have a knack of failing to be funny. I've seen great ones like Airplane! and Naked Gun but where others shine some/most will fail. Marlon Wayans is one of the funnier Wayans brothers. Yes there is more than a few to rate them. He just forgot to bring the funny to this film. The home video supernatural ghost horror genre is on full burners right now. While making bank and great scares at times. There is an unlimited source of jokes waiting to come on screen and be shown. This film started out with some promise to have found that gold mine but turns quickly to being nothing more than dragging jokes out. I want more from the parody genre and this year wasn't it.

5. Texas Chainsaw 3D 

Oh how I still want to like this movie for the wild ideas they try to do. Turning Leatherface into a victim?! I give them props for taking a shot and doing a 180 on the series but you can't do that in an established series. Can you imagine trying to make Freddy be the victim? No you can't because he kills kids! Well Leatherface can't be humanized past a cannibal and psycho killer. This film tried hard to prove it could. Maybe it could've worked if I didn't dislike every single character and almost started rooting for all them to die. I know that sounds bad when you sounds bad all the time but I'm cold hearted when it comes to characters that don't even really show remorse if their friends die. Plot was terrible all around and way off in math. Main character would be in 40s not 20s writers. I was so close to turning off the movie towards the end when the main girl says "You get em Cuz!". Yes that was said in a movie to the psycho killer... Oh Hollywood..

4. Scary Movie 5 

This is the other parody film on the list that took a plunge in the boring unfunny toilet . Why can't people get these right? The series has had promise since the beginning but my favorite is 3. Yes I know people think it's the turn for the worst in the series but they got some good gags in it. This just had nothing at all that is memorable and since the time in between movies was so long, some jokes became irrelevant completely. The acting was worst than most of the others and I wished they could have went back to previous actors. I kind of never want them to make another sequel in the series after this one. Lets let this rest in piece for a while.

3. Grown Ups 2

When you have huge comedy names in one movie, you expect a funny movie. Grown Ups 2 proves us all wrong! I enjoy the first one for what it is and whose in it. I suspected that the sequel would be less than good but to have a movie be so random and illogical from the beginning just made it so much worse. What is the plot of Grown Ups 2 you ask. Well the there isn't much of one! It's like Sandler pulled out the ol' SNL skit book of rejects and picked his favorite ones and made his friends act them out for a movie. The movie is just a long SNL episode that isn't that funny. The jokes were very third grade and revolting at times. I get it that Kevin James is fat and can burp and fart. I really wanted more from you guys but the only smart one from the first one is Rob Schneider. The man knew something was up because he bailed. That takes a lot for him to bail on a movie. Have you seen Deuce Bigalo 2?! He learned from his mistakes, now for the rest of them to do the same.

2. Movie 43

Another movie filled with big stars. Not just comedy stars but big academy award winning stars! I give the producers a big applause for being able to lure Hugh Jackman into wearing balls on his neck and actually make it through it without laughing and saying "is this the end of my career?". He deserves an award! Come on Wolverine! I'm all for skit movies with big actors but please people know that poop and period jokes are so juvenile. I felt like I needed a shower after some of the scenes and really didn't want to complete the movie. I know people found this movie hilarious and I ponder why sometimes. I find it hilarious that this thing is so star studded and it tanks so far in quality.

1. A Good Day to Die Hard

This movie is so terrible I refuse to acknowledge it exist when asked about it! Yes I make jokes up about it like these: Hey didn't Die Hard 5 come out last year? Nope never heard of it, or "Hey are you going to buy the Die Hard box set? Yes the 4 disc set is awesome!". Now back to actual facts about the "rumored" Die Hard 5. It was so bad I will never consider it part of series. This film was so lifeless from the start and nothing of what makes Die Hard, well, Die Hard. Bruce Willis is going through the motions like he knows the film is terrible. The baddie was forgettable and just downright boring. The wealth of backstory we could have had with John and his son was not used at all. The film felt cold and disconnected from the world we all fell in love with back in the day. They try to reuse death scenes that are oh so classic in the exact same series. Don't, I repeat, Don't ever do that! You can't make John a sidekick in his own series! Even if its for his son, who I imagine is being groomed to take over the series. Jai Courtney was terrible choice for his son because the man can't act action/tuff guy comedy. Please make something for us to forget this existed and end the series on a high note. Truly the only bad Die Hard film in the series.

The Top 10 worst movies of 2013! Now was that so bad? Yes..yes it was...


Bullet to the Head, The Hangover Part III, Gangster Squad and Beautiful Creatures. There are plenty of other "bad" movies but we will let you guys decide your own.

What is your most hated movie this year? Did it make the list? If not just post it in the bottom!

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